you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize