I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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