sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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