Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
