my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
