The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
