I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
