Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
