I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
