dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize