Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
