I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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