He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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