It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This baby is an asshole
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
