The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
