I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
