You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
