even my farts smell like vagina
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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