So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
