His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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