i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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