the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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