She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
