is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
