Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
