How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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