I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
