Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
