shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
