Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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