He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
