What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this boner is exhausting
my shit smells like andre
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
