***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize