im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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