well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
