The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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