and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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