so let's talk penis.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
