I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
