He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
