Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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