Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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