So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize