i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
