he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
