so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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