I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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