I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
