i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
