I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
