"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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