And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
