This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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