I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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