And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize