We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
