My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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