we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
