barbara walters just said penis...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
