We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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