so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
