I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
