I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
