i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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