so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
