half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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