Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
