do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
