I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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