The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
