we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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