tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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