i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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