Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
