my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
