i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
