I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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