3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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