If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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