dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
