I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My vagina is officially offended.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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