the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
