Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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