It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
