Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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