very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize