You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I believe in your delicious
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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