My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
