I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
