I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
