Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
