This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
