Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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