I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
