I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
