i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize