I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
