i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
