Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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