If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
