I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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