I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
