turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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