You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize