i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
