i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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