We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
